Nr.1 Authoriticity

                       • Nr. 1 Authenticity •

It is difficult to be true to oneself, due to the enormous pressure that we receive from our family, friends and coworkers. We often feel like we know ourselves, but we are actually just a product of circumstances, culture, prejudice, stereotypes and cognition, all of which is conditioned, to a great extent, by how we present ourselves and how we appear to be to others. People are, except in very rare cases, never able to see our true self, that identity beyond the three dimensional construct they possess. And the more we depart from that self through our daily interactions, in order to please others and become accepted by others, voluntarily fitting their conceptualizations of reality, the less we, ourselves, are able to recognize it.

Recognizing our real self realizing what we truly want in life, knowing the mistakes we did that separated us further apart from that Journey, and accepting such mindset in its entire spectrum. It fundamentally means accepting our whole, including our successes and failures altogether, our joys and sorrows too, and our most lovely as well as most hateful side.

In all situations possible and imaginable, this process requires maturity, the ability to accept our emptiness, needs, and weaknesses. There's no such thing as maturity without the recognition of the child within and its suffering or wants. One and the other are interconnected, for the one who struggles the most to appear mature to others hides the most from his inner child, his weaknesses, his darker emotions and mostly, his fears.

There is no greater seducer and manipulator of mass opinion, as the narcissist, and yet, no person vulnerable as the narcissist as well. The narcissist has built himself out of the separation from the child he has abandoned when deciding not to love, in order to build a second persona, through the formation of an ideal self that doesn't truly exist, because one cannot be without feeling. And so, by detaching emotions from intellect, the narcissist represents the higher self aspired by most people, that don't see in such individual the gravest danger to existence, but rather embrace him or her, and admire their pathetic bursts of arrogance. And yet, the narcissist lives in a constant panic of being discovered, never truly being able to love another

human being.

Most people are indeed extremely ignorant, because they have no idea how behaviors integrate themselves in a wider picture, and always amaze themselves at their own destruction, represented by the lives of the most degrading figures among us the promiscuous, the self-absorbed, the arrogant. Such individuals hold very weak representations of strength, with which fools always get mesmerized.

It is the one who seems naive, even vulnerable, that in his authenticity discovers his true self, and through that finding unveils the greatest secrets of his soul. In doing so, he follows a path that makes him more mature, strong and resilient. 

Many of the people whom we came to admire like Elon Musk, Richard Branson and Dan Peña, match this characteristic, each one in their own way. But, whenever they talk in public, they either seem too timid or too aggressive. Their authenticity separates them from the idea of socially acceptable, making them vulnerable to rejection, while actually becoming above it and followed by many. That paradigm puzzles us because it does not seem to fit our expectations of what a successful person should be.

Despite what many may say about great leaders, there was never a one way road to leadership. Each great leader was in possession of unique characteristics in his or her personality. But they were all authentic, authentic to their ambitions, authentic their goals, and unapologetic about their wants. Even Giacomo Casanova was authentic to his own need to seduce women, and as much as 

Amadeus Mozart authentic to his music. This

authenticity of Mozart is well expressed when he says in his defense: “Forgive me, Majesty, for I am a vulgar man, but I assure you that my music is not.”

There is no better way to explain the embracing of both our qualities and weaknesses, as this expression. Mozart authentic individual, and although very rude, as his letters show, was also very honest. He did not pretend to be someone he was not to please others.

This authenticity is obviously difficult to endure, when we are constantly criticized or judged negatively. And the more authentic you are, the less likely you are to be accepted by society, at least, the greatest portion of it. The most authentic and famous people admit not having any friends, and quite commonly not even a spouse. Society, as a whole, does not see in authenticity a value to admire and copy.

Being true to oneself is a challenge that questions our most personal beliefs, habits and way of living. And it can affect everything that makes us who we

are, namely, our friendships and relationships.

It is only natural that once we embrace our authentic self, we may see our world fall apart. Most people are not keen to changes, in themselves or those they know. You will often see the greatest resistance among those who are the most emotionally bounded to you. And to try to change them, or to make them accept the changes in you, will not get you anywhere, except to the awareness of this fact. As a matter of fact, trying to make others change their perceptions of you, often results in personal attacks, because they feel insulted by such demand. It is like trying to make them admit that they were wrong about you this whole time. And nobody likes to be wrong, because

it affects their self-esteem. Therefore, for them, you will always be the one who is wrong, and they will make you change back to whom you were in

order for them to continue being right about you. 

I have changed so much during my entire life, that absolutely nobody in my family wants to talk to me. They can't understand me or put me in any box. They have tried multiple times and failed every single time. Because I am completely unpredictable. And that makes them feel stupid, because, well, they are certainly very stupid.

My life evolves so fast, that it is easier for their ego to disconnect from me with any possible, from

destructive gossip to harmful actions in the name of "help", like offering help to keep over a thousand of my books while I travel, in order to sell them and

burn in the fireplace those which couldn't be sold, while blaming me for getting angry about it.

Family is a great illusion, which I am glad to have seen shatter to pieces before me in a natural process called evolution. Because the faster you

evolve, the quicker the lies fall apart. And well, you may think, at first, that you are losing something important, but only if you look at a family as a social construct from depend, for love is never lost, unless it was never there to begin with.

I would rather be born in a family of demons, in which such evil would at least fulfill a purpose, instead of being fueled by ignorance and envy. It is

more noble to be evil, and authentic, than to be envious and deceptive. The difficulties of growing up from such environment are the most difficult of

all, for anyone with love and tolerance has much more to grow from, even when the environment is against him.

The changes that accompanied my authenticity have always been hard to handle, because they came at the same level of that authenticity. For example, when I realized that I wasn't being true

to myself, by forcing my life to function when having a stable job I disliked in a country I disliked as well, that's when I became aware that I was  truly

unhappy. At this point, being true to myself represented the challenge of leaving behind everything that I never and start a completely new

aware existence, from the beginning, investing in who I truly am, in a totally different environment. That's when I moved to China. But I have repeated the same sacrifice multiple times, including when leaving a very toxic relationship behind, in a country I learned to love, the United States, to move to Spain, where I had to restart again, or when leaving all my friends in Spain, to move to Lithuania, where I had to restart once more.

I do not regret any of those sacrifices because they had to be made, but I cannot say they become easier with time. I believe the older you get, the

harder it is to make significant changes. The only thing working in your favor is experience. You can

become faster and better at making decisions and knowing whom to trust.

The opposite, life without authenticity, is simply not an option for me. I rather be alone and restart

everything than to succumb to a miserable existence, with people I don't value, or worse, people that depreciate me every day. I can't handle myself when not being honest to my own values, and others' behaviors constantly force me to analyze and question them. Whenever in relationships in which I didn't feel loved or respected, relationships that were toxic and ruined both my health, wealth and happiness, I knew I had to finish them, because at one point I started hating myself for being in such never ending circumstances.

On the other hand, being true to myself also meant not having the ability to keep friends anymore for long periods of time, because I didn't want to pretend to say something different from what I think or do, and most people don't evolve and don't allow others to evolve either. The ones I know for five years or more, still talk to me as if I am the same person they met. They can't see that such person doesn't exist anymore.

Life is simply not worth living when you are under somebody else's rules, beliefs and expectations, especially if they are negative and self-destructive, like a virus entering your mind with every sentence spoken to you.

they are negative and self-destructive, like a virus entering your mind with every sentence spoken to you. Love is the greatest feeling of all, but it can kill you, when you trust it to the wrong person. And freedom from a daily job is a big step forward in life, but the realization of self is far much higher than that. 

                                   ...***...

                                             ---BY NAVNEET NILEE